Silent Reminiscence

He was a normal human being, just like any one of us. Had been brilliant in studies, was tall and handsome, soft-spoken and affable. He was the dream guy for many girls and the ideal son-in-law for many parents. With a lucrative job in a prestigious Multi-national, and a beautiful girl for his fiancé, things were perfect for him. He had been the cause of envy to his colleagues since a very long time for being the boss’ favorite. Neighboring aunties were in awe of his mother’s luck for having such a dutiful, well-settled son. His easy-going and helpful nature was appreciated by his friends, who considered themselves fortunate at having gained his camaraderie. His parents were proud of his achievements. His lady love felt flattered to have garnered his affections. He was suave and sophisticated, a debonair in the true sense. Had he not been a computer professional, he could have easily turned out to be a film-star. Despite his success in the professional as well as personal front, he was not vain. He kept glued to his roots, never forgetting the humble background he came from. He was expecting a promotion and was soon going to tie the knot his fiancé. All his hard-work was finally paying-off. He was on cloud nine and life could not have been better.

It was a new dawn, bringing along with it new hopes, new aspirations and new achievements. He was also among those who had dreamt of a bright day ahead. He had a really important presentation lined up which was sure to bring him immense accolades. He headed to the office in a cheery mood, singing and dancing all the way to his newly bought car. Soon he could be seen driving away on the surprisingly empty roads of New Delhi. He had reached half-way thinking about the presentation when he was suddenly hit by a speeding car from the rear. The driver of the other car miraculously remained unhurt save a few bruises on his shoulder and face, but he was badly injured. Blood was oozing from his head which was severely wounded. The other guy being the decent sort, did not bolt from the accident site, but took him to the nearest hospital. He had lost a lot of blood and blood transfusion was needed. His wallet had his ID from where the hospital people were able to inform his home. After four long hours of operation, the doctors were able to save him. He was shifted to the ICU where he was kept for about a week. His parents were profusely thanking the surgeons for reviving their son. His friends came to meet him; his fiancé did not leave his side and sat there throughout taking care of his smallest needs; and even his forever busy boss took out time to pay him a visit. Although his parents were a bit scared, they were all smiles watching their only child recovering soon. Everyone was sympathetic towards him and wanted him to be fit as soon as possible.

A month passed to this incidence. His life was almost back to normal. Although still bed-ridden due to a fractured rib, he was recovering steadily. He had been called by the doctor for a regular checkup who advised him to have a blood test conducted. He agreed to it, albeit a bit reluctantly. He could not see any reason behind the need of this test. He was not diseased; he was having no complications with the medications, then why this test? Three days later, he received a call from the hospital to inform that the results of the test had arrived. As he held the reports in his hands, his world came down crashing. He was diagnosed with HIV+.

He could not believe his eyes. Some of his acquaintances had relations with a number of girls; a few of them occasionally took drugs sharing needles; none of them caught the virus, then why he? He was faithful to his fiancé; he had never done anything which could expose him to the disease, so it was impossible to believe that he had been infected with the virus. He felt his feet shaking and the ground slipping beneath him. His life changed in the blink of an eye. He could not understand what was going around him; he was too shocked to react. After what seemed like eternity, he finally gathered the courage to ask the doctor what the reports meant. The doctor tried to console him and said that it probably happened during the blood transfusion. He could not help but question the doctor on how could the transfusion result in HIV, weren’t the blood banks required to check the blood for unwanted pathogens? The only reply he got was that maybe the virus was not detected during the time of donation as it would have been in a very early stage. Such cases were one in a million and the doctor could only but apologize. This drove him up the walls; his self-control was on the verge of snapping. He wanted to cry his heart out and scream at the doctor. Here he was infected with a damned HIV virus and all he received was a bloody sorry!

He was disgusted with everything, he was disgusted with himself. The doctor struggled to bring him back to his senses. He gave him names and addresses of consultants and HIV specialists, and asked him to visit them as soon as feasible. It seemed to him that all people present there now looked at him in a different way. He imagined their gaze filled with loathing and revulsion burn his back. He contemplated finishing his life, once and for all, but dropped the idea on realizing how his parents would react to his mangled, disfigured body. They had sacrificed their joys so that the smallest of his needs was not neglected, and now he considered it to be his duty to provide them with all the comforts of life. They had an equal claim on his life and he could not snatch that away. He gathered himself, dragging himself out of the hospital with heavy steps. He had to tell this to his parents and to Anubhuti- his fiancé. They could not be kept in dark, the sooner they knew, the better.

……………

“Maa, please don’t break down. We all knew we would be facing this someday or the other.” said a woman in her mid 40’s. Both the ladies were looking pale and exhausted, as if they would crumble with a gust of wind. In the adjacent room, a man was sleeping peacefully, or so it seemed. With closed eye, he was trying to relive each and every moment of his life. He remembered the day when he had fallen ill, and his mother was out to visit his granny. He had woken up in the middle of the night asking for her. He could vividly recall his father taking care of him, keeping his mother updated about his health, coming home early, narrating stories, and doing all other things his mother used to do for him. He remembered how proud his dad was on nursing him back to health single-handedly. He missed his father. He had always been his guiding light, showing him the correct path, helping him overcome all difficulties, becoming his support during the darkest hours of life, standing by his ‘Dheer’s’ side when the world shunned him. Then his memory wandered off to that of his mother. She had always been immensely proud of her son. She had shed tears of joy when he won the best student trophy every year, when he topped the class 12^th boards, when he got selected to the topmost engineering institute of India. She loved to pamper him; maybe she always knew that Dheer would never let her down. But that did not mean that he could get away with everything. He still remembered the solid beating he got for lying to her. He had taken money without informing her. When his mother came to know she was very angry. She had hit him right, left and centre and then had started crying herself. The thought of her child stealing something made her feel that she had failed as a guardian. Perhaps she had not been able to imbibe good values in her son. Looking at his mother’s wretched state, Rudhir had sworn that he would never repeat such mistake. It had been the first and the last time he had let his mother down. 

He recollected how happy his mother had been when he had got the job with one of the world’s leading MNC’s. She had been simply ecstatic, more thrilled than he himself was. It was the very same day that she decided to go bride-hunting for him. She got numerous rishtas and like a typical Indian mother, she would try to find the ideal bahu among them, one who would be educated, well-mannered, cultured, and independent. Maa had wanted a perfect mix of emotions and practicality in her daughter-in-law, which was quite hard to find and seemed non-existent at first. It was then when she stumbled upon Anu. She had liked her at the first instance, she meted all her requirements, was traditional yet modern, all at the same time. He recalled how adamant his mother had been when he had said that he didn’t want to marry so soon. She was hell-bent on getting him hitched and making him meet the girl. A smile escaped him, as he remembered that she had pulled an ‘I am unwell, can’t you do this for your ailing mother’ act, probably inspired by some soap opera to make him meet Anubhuti, and it had worked too. Anu was a real charmer. She had made the mother fall for her, and soon enough, the son was heads over heels in love with her. It didn’t take her much time to add the father to the list of her admirers. She had lost her parents as a young girl. Her aunt had taken care of her all these years and loved her as her own child, which she never had. She was all too happy on seeing her niece go to such a loving and doting family. More-so-over, if her niece was enchanting, her would be son-in-law was no less charming. Anu felt blessed to have got him in her life, and vice-versa.

……………

He heard some commotion in the nearby room, and could hear Anu, consoling his mother. She was asking her to be strong, for they had had a long time to prepare themselves for this day. These words brought him out of his reverie, and drew his mind to the harsh reality of his life. His memory went some twenty- twenty five years back. He could see himself standing in a hospital corridor, trying to accept the fact that he had been doomed for life, cursing the Almighty for having punished him for no fault of his, trying to gather the courage to break this news to his family. The instance was still fresh in his memory, etched out with so much precision that it seemed it had taken place just yesterday. He relived the pain of learning about his disease once again. It has been years, he accepted the fact, did something constructive with whatever time he had, but it still hurt somewhere. After all, wouldn’t it pinch to know that your days are numbered? It’s true that the duration of one’s life is not decided, but knowing that you’re going to die sooner than it could have otherwise been, does make you apprehensive at times, you do fear the unknown.

He had come home from the hospital completely broken. Anubhuti and her aunt were also there along with his parents. They were happily chattering about something, maybe be discussing the impending marriage. He saw the look of contentedness in their faces, and didn’t have the heart to say anything which would destroy their peace. He couldn’t shatter them. He walked dazedly towards his room, answering the questions posed to him with monosyllabic hmms and nos. They thought that he was tired and so let him be. He shut his room not even coming out to take dinner. It was only the next morning that he found the courage to face his parents. He did not even look at them, just uttered the whole thing out to get done with it. No points to guess that they were blown apart. His mother came up to him and gave him a tight slap, thinking that he was trying to crack some sick joke. It was then when she saw his eyes and realized that it was not him, but destiny playing a cruel joke on them all. There was no stopping to her tears. After what seemed like eternity, they stopped crying and decided that it was not the time for self-pity just yet. They visited the specialists whose address the doctor had given to Rudhir the previous day. They were informed that all was not lost. There were medicines which could elongate his life up to twenty years if he took proper care, and who knows, maybe by the time the disease would have developed some cure. This sure came as a relief to the otherwise disheartened family. Later that day, when Anu came by to visit, he told her the whole matter, he expected her to shun him, just as his boss had done earlier on knowing his condition. And his belief came true when he saw her moving out of the house. He was some what relieved on seeing her walk away, because even if she had stayed, he could not have gone and married her knowing that their future would be holding nothing but pain and loss. Despite knowing this he was still deeply hurt to see the girl who claimed to love him walking out on him, without any reaction. He wanted to go and cry in his mother’s lap, but he was afraid to touch her, fearing that his touch might contaminate her. He was moving back to his room with these thoughts, when his mother had stopped him, hugging him tight, and providing him with a shoulder to cry on. She fed him herself that night, making him revert back to childhood and forgetting all pains. He slept properly that night with the feeling that, come what may his parents would never desert him. Early next morning he received unexpected visitors in the form of Anubhuti accompanied by his boss. His boss had come over to apologize for his irrational behavior. It seemed that Anu had knocked some sense into him, making him realize that being HIV+ did not mean the person in question was to be eschewed. Had Dheer been down with influenza, he would not have been treated in the same fashion. After all, what Dheer had was just another disease, only chronic. It was then he comprehended that Anu had not left him, but she had just gone away to bring back to him something he rightly deserved. She had simplified a problem and created another.

He tried to tell her that the marriage was no longer possible. She would gain nothing from it, other that risking herself to the possibility of being affected by the virus and offering herself a chance of becoming a social outcast. But she was as always being obstinate and headstrong, refusing to buzz from her stand. To everyone’s surprise even her aunt was supporting her decision. Rudhir was undoubtedly flattered, but did not waiver. Heartbroken himself, he decided that his resolution was in the best interest of everyone. Both were on loggerheads. He told her that although he appreciated her insistency, although he loved her with his mind and soul, he did not want her to regret her choice and carry a burden, which he was bound to become sooner than later. She was hurt by his refusal and declined to accept it. Anu visited everyday to try and make him understand that life was unpredictable. Had he not been suffering from the disease, what was the guarantee that they would get old together, that life would not end midway? She made him comprehend that their years together would be more memorable and happy for her than a complete lifetime with someone else. They had married a few months later in a quiet, private ceremony.

Looking back in time, he realized how right Anu had been. Life together had been beautiful. She had supported him as well as his parents. She had kept the family together. With a few more weeks to live, he was happy at how life had shaped out. He had seen his daughter grow up; science had been advanced enough to gift him with this miracle. He had been there besides his father when he was breathing his last. People looked at him with respect and admired his zeal to live. Little did they understand that it was his family which had provided him with a desire to survive. They had been his support in the murkiest hours of life. Had they not been there for him he would never have tried to come out of the self-loathing and depression he was going through. With each phase of his life revolving before his eyes once again, he thanked God with all his heart, for blessing him with such loving and understanding people in his life, who never left him, instead became his pillars of strength, making him the man he was. Had they snubbed him, he would have broken to such an extent that it would have been impossible to pick the pieces and glue them back. He thanked the Almighty for providing him with the ‘Anubhuti’- the realization that life was still worth living, there were people who needed him, who were there for him. Rudhir recalled George Elliot’s words:-“What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life- to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” Nothing could have been more apt to describe what he was feeling…..